ok updates for everybody.. long story short, my flight status will be reinstated on monday afternoon, and i get to continue. this time round i'll kick ass. it's been a fairly bad week with lots of problems. with the car as well. sucks.

i wont have a holiday in june due to the fact i was grounded for almost 2 weeks. so see u guys in dec instead.

i didn't travel 10,000 km just to come here to give up. i will try as hard as i can to convince everybody that i deserve to be here, and when i'm given a second chance, i'll make sure safety is always the first consideration, and not a secondary subject.

it's not that i've given up, it is because i don't know what i can fight my case with.

the past 2 days seem meaningless, and i wake up feeling like a lesser being.

it's not a problem with the learning curve, the problem lies with the lack of safety.

fuck. 4th safety notice. and all 4 of them revolves around busting restricted airspaces. what's my argument going to be?

grounded until further notice.

screwed, god knows wad happened to me today, planning and briefing was good, but inside the aircraft i seemed uncomfortable today, reacting slowly and feeling stony. missed my first target, and lost sight of the 2nd halfway. in the process almost entering a forbidden area, thus clocking my 3rd safety notice. 17 flights without any problems, then it was 1 safety notice, 1 good flight, 1 good flight with safety notice, 1 excellent flight, 1 bad flight, 1 bad flight with safety notice, just before the test tomorrow.

now i'm dangling on my little finger. i got myself into this position.

it's just a bad day, after the sleep tonight, fight is on again! fighters never give up. i've got to prove i deserve to be there!

i've spent my whole saturday morning looking at air tickets and figuring out wad is the best way to be able to tour before returning to sg for awhile and come back to france.. probably gonna take about 2.5k sgd to do that.. good thing is the euros are low now.. hhaha.. more or less the trip is sure, just that the timing cannot be confirmed as i have 12 flights and 12 simulators to complete and 13 weeks before my ground school for the jet starts.. 2 weeks to settle admin like shifting house and all those, so estimate another 5 weeks before i can go for holidays.. if i'm lucky i'll get 2.5 weeks?

anyway training has been going on without major problems for me, unlike my 2 other coursemates. i do, however, have 2 safety notices for safety infringements..

now, the rules of the game are:

-fail 2 tests, review board,
-have 2 bad flights in a row, take a revision flight. total use 4 revision flights, go for a review board.
-4 safety notices in total, review board; 2 safety notices for the same reason, review board.

so, gabriel failed 2 times, passed review board, used up 4 revision flights and 1 safety notice.
jon yap has used 4 revision flights.
i have 2 safety notices.
it's a little difficult to keep all 3 of us till the end i suppose.

i hope the weather will be good this coming week, though it doesn't seem to be the case for the current weather forecasts. if the weather is good, i can take my 2nd test on tuesday, and for wednesday i'll be moving on to a more advanced stage already. i'd rather be flying than doing simulators. instruments suck!

ups and downs, yesterday.. 3 targets, all found and "destroyed", today, intercepted 1 aircraft, after that there was 1 target, found and destroyed, but today's grading was not as good as yesterday's. pourquoi??! i have no idea..

hmm, a lot of thoughts are going through my head now, yesterday, gabriel failed his test for the 3rd time, but boss decided to change it into a revision flight instead. thank god for that.. even though there are times when i dislike him, but i don't want to see that chance of chasing the dream being taken away from someone, it's harsh. while we were all waiting for boss's decision, it felt like waiting outside the OT for the doctor's verdict.. the saddest thing is to hear gabriel say that if he fails he doesn't want to fight on anymore. not because he has lost passion, but because he has lost courage. he said he didnt know how to face the panel of instructors at the review board, don't know how to face his family for that failure.. it's painful to see that scene as a friend, to see someone give in to failure.

we all wanted to graduate with flying colours and be the best trainee, but now i really hope we all graduate, and still be alive.

no negative thoughts before i sleep, in 10 hours time, 2 targets are going down!

the hiking trip yesterday was nice.. it would be even nicer if i had my goretex boots with me though.. haha, track shoes and walking on rocks doesn't really match up.. pics are up on fb.. great, estimated another 5 weeks is needed to complete my training for this first phase, and it seems that there is a high chance i can have a holiday in mid june for a couple of weeks.. i'm thinking of going to spain before i head back to singapore. how about that?

finally it's the weekend.. it's been 3 weeks of consecutively high paced work and i think it got to me a little bit at the start of the week.. and i ended up performing a really bad flight.. was a little demoralised after that.. but a fighter never gives up at the first failure! i think it was a pretty good mission for me today, found both my targets and it was much better than the previous flights.. i suppose words from my godfather, coach, and the most feared dopey helped upon reflection..

and coach says, "take care of the fatigue, if you're fatigued, ur mental state wont be strong and u cant perform well in flight, u'll see things late and wont be as sharp. now, i want u to rest during the weekends.. during the weekdays when you're free, work hard. but for the weekends, it's mandatory to rest. at least 1 day of doing nothing."

but everybody knows, singaporeans are kiasu pple, how can i allow myself to rest, knowing that there are soooooooo many things i do not know about, and sooooooo much more work to be done?

i shall try this weekend, only to work on sunday evening. and it's 235am, i'd better go slp before my eyes pop out..